Irony is Hilarious Sometimes
by sleepuntiltomorrow
Summary: And some times, irony makes it seem like the world's laughing at you. At least, that's Kim Crawford's opinion. Twoshot! Rated T for one swear, I promise I just don't want to be banned!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, you guysss. So, after some lovely responses to my other story in the Kickin' It fandom, and after reading some of the other lovely fanfics I decided... I'm going to post this fic, the first story I ever wrote for Kickin' It. It's been sitting in my Documents folder for ages, since the first or second episode, I think, and I figured I might as well post it. It's not my best concept, and I'm not too sure whether I like it or not, but... Oh well! I enjoyed writing it and I hope you guys like it too!**

**And I'm sorry if Kim seems way too irritated with Jack, but again, I had only seen like episodes 1 and 2. (Also, stick around until the author's note at the end. I explain some stuff.)**

**DISCLAIMER! I don't own Kickin' It. If I did, why would I be writing fanficiton when I could be writing scripts?**

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><p>Dear Diary,<p>

Jack is so full of himself! I mean, why would he think I have a crush on him? _Him_ of all people! As if I could be friends with a guy who's so full of himself... And I don't even know him that well (aside from how full of himself he is) he's only just moved here. Come to think of it... no one really knows anything about him. He's just so mysterious... But that's just cause he's new. You know, doesn't have any close friends. Aside from the Bobbi Wasabi crew... Which I'm now a part of... (Which is actually awesome because I don't have to wear a gi _everyfreakingtime _ I show up to class)

But we're not really friends. We just go to the same dojo. And eat lunch together. But only sometimes! When I get tired of all the girls asking about Jack's "like _totes_ super cute hair" and "_totes_ deep chocolate eyes" and whether or not he looks good with his shirt off (not that I'd know, he practices with his shirt _on_ thankyouverymuch).

And, God, he thinks he's so cool! Showing off in the lunch room with that apple... God. Someone needs to take him down a peg or two. I wouldn't mind. Some one-on-one sparring ought to set him straight... I'll show him who's _really_ good at karate around here. Pin him down on the mat, that'll show him. And then, when he's lying there on the mat, fear in his eyes, waiting for me to deliver the final blow I'll kiss- I- I mean. I'll show mercy. Show that while I know I can beat him, I won't. Because I need to assert myself not leave him black and blue. Wouldn't want to mess up that pretty face of his, the girls might just start a riot.

Another thing! Where could he get that ludicrous idea that I have a _crush_ on him? Half a day here and he already thinks he's Mister Macho Man, Weakener of Ladies' Knees, Freshman Heartthrob. God, maybe that's how all the other girls treated you at your old school (and how all the other girls treat you here...) but seriously, get a grip. He barely even knows me! Why on earth would he think that from minute one I'd have a crush on him? I'm not one of those mindless bimbos who fall in love with any guy that's even remotely attractive. Come on, give me some credit... Sure he's got warm chocolate eyes, cute just-finished-doing-a-butterfly-kick windswept hair, and he's one great martial artist, but, really, he's not _that_ attractive. Or attractive at all... Really I swear! That description was just from an objective point of view. I was just pointing out what _other_ girls see in him, visually, that is.

God, if they heard that he won that belt for Bobby Wasabi's with a hurt leg and just so that the other guys could have a place to fit in... Jesus they'd be all over him! Well, more than they already are anyways. Although I'm not sure how that's possible... I guess they could actually _be _ on top of him... Not like he'd mind. 'Scuse the language but- stupid attention whore. He just loves all those other girls falling all over him. And while we're on the topic of the other girls, they all think I'm so lucky to be around him all the time at Bobby Wasabi's (they keep saying 'best friends' but we're only sort of friends, despite what he might say otherwise...) but they should try it!

Seriously, once you get past the "I'm a generally good guy" and "I stick up for the little guy" bit, you realize that he can be quite annoying. Like when he flicks his hair out of his eyes, forcing you to get lost in his ey- uh. I mean... It's annoying cause it looks like he's twitching. Really. He's always showing off, too. He's like, "Hey guys watch me do this really hard trick effortlessly then act like it's nothing." Who does that? He then has the nerve to convince us we can do it if we just work at it, then helps us learn the basics to do it like he really wants us to be as good as him. Like he really cares about us succeeding. But I know it's all a ruse. He just wants to show off that he's better, and make himself look even more sensitive for the girls at school.

Urgh, my mom just informed me that it's unfortunately time to go face His Royal 'I'm Super Good at Karate' self at Bobby Wasabi's. Maybe I _can_ knock some sense into that thick skull of his... I'll just see if he'd like to engage in some _friendly_ sparring in class.

I'll let you know how it goes...

x Kim

PS: Aahh! I managed to convince Rudy to let us spar today! He said something about needing to get so- Oh hey, gotta go. Sir Better-Than-You is walking this way...

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><p>"What's that?" Jack asks, pointing to the little turquoise, leather-bound notebook I had just closed in my lap.<p>

"Um. Planner. Yeah. It's a- my planner. For school. Just looking to see what homework we have for English!" Smooth, Kim. Real smooth.

"We don't have homework for English today." I have to mentally slap myself. Luckily Jack doesn't seem suspicious.

"Yeah, I know, just double checking to make sure I wasn't remembering wrong or something." I say as calmly as I can. Just to make sure I wasn't conveying any sort of suspicious behavior, I mean, my irritation isn't masked at all, but that's not anything suspicious. But still, if you read something about yourself in someone else's diary you'd be weirded out. Even if it was something like "Today I was put into a group of 4 in English, Kim, Anne, Jerry and Greg were in it..." I'd be like "Whaaa they noticed me and they _wrote about me_?" And it'd make me feel awkward the next time I saw them and... Anyway, rambling. Gotta stop.

"So. Who you gonna spar against today?" I ask casually.

Jack is still digging around in his bag when he responds, "Oh, I don't know. I probably won't. I'll just watch."

"Ohh, I see how it is," I tuck my diary into my duffel and cross my arms, leaning against the wall, "_Some_one's too good to spar with the rest of us common folk."

"I just want to provide constructive criticism. It's always better to watch and help both sides." He leans against the wall facing me.

"Uh-huh. So that's more helpful than actually sparring someone and telling them what they could work on to better their form after actually fighting them and seeing what it took to beat them?" I say, looking at him dead in the eyes. Maybe those girls were right... They really are a nice dee-

"Oh, well now that sounds like a bit of a challenge. I think someone really wants to fight me one-on-one here." He says, and I can see the smirk forming, so annoying. "You know, if you're crushing so hard that you want to spend time with me in any way, even fighting, all you have to do is-"

I push him square in the shoulders, catching him off guard and unbalanced, "I do_ NOT _have a crush on you!"

The chorus of "Sure..." comes from the other side of the room and I turn to glare at the guys. That shut them up quickly. Whatever they believe, they know I could still beat them up.

"Alright then. Let's spar. If you win, I'll stop teasing you about having a crush on me." Jack says.

"I _don't _have a crush on you."

The usual "Sure..." ensues and I glare, again.

I roll my eyes and look back at Jack. "And if you win?" I ask, wary of the consequences.

Jack got a smug look on his face, as if he had already won the match,"You have to admit you have a crush on me."

"Uh-huh, not gonna happen. One, because I _don't have a crush on you_. Two, because you're going down." I say as confidently as I can.

Now, while I acknowledge that Jack is attractive, I know for a _fact_ he thinks I am. Like I haven't caught him staring at me in class, typical boy. They're all the same, all they think about are girls, boobs, and girls with boobs. I'll show him I'm all three. Even though they're all add up to the same thought...

I shake my head and begin prepping. It'll be the standard Bobbi Wasabi spar, light contact, first to be knocked down by the other wins the round. There are three rounds total, so best two out of three wins. I pick up my bag from the ground. I need to change out of my school clothes and into clothes that are fit for forcing Jack to eat his words.

I start towards the girls locker room-slash-restroom and notice the guys are on the other side of the mat, acting like Jack's a champion boxer, he's got a robe around his shoulders and everything! And it looks like they're giving him a pep talk. It's quite comical actually, they're forming a ring around him as if they don't want me to see him. Oh well. I'll just stretch on the other side of the mat once I get changed.

I really don't want to lose this spar, Jack would be able to hold it over me forever that I had "admitted" that I have a crush on him. Which is ridiculous. Because I don't. But just to make sure I don't have to lie, I've got a little trick up my sleeve, something perfectly legal, it's just something that'll distract him a little... And it's something distinctly girly...

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><p>The guys are treating me like this is some sort of champion boxer or something. It's just a friendly sparring match against Kim, who is good, yes, but there's nothing to be worried about. She's just a girl, I'll have to go easy on her.<p>

Milton looks away from our little huddle for a second, then looks back at me, "Kim just went to the bathroom."

"Did I really need to know that?" I say, I mean, really, who needs to know about the bodily functions of the opposite gender?

Jerry looks at me, "Alright here's the plan, you don't want to let her win the first round, that's too obvious, just make it seem like she's got the upper hand, then beat her, but make it look like you just barely had the upper hand. Second round, you let her win, but make it convincing, like hold out until the last second kind of thing. Third round, you win. And you can get fancy with this one, just don't lose." He smiles to himself as if congratulating himself on how great of a strategist he is.

I roll my eyes at him, "Like I need to worry," I say, "I could beat her with one hand tied behind my back."

"Yeah, sure." Milton says with very little sincerity.

"SHH! SHH!" Jerry looks wildly from the girls room to me, "SHE'S BACK," he says in the loudest whisper known to man or beast.

I can see Kim roll her eyes from across the room. She's pulled on a hoodie, and she's got it zipped all the way up. It's not that cold in here, but it must be to warm her muscles up. I mean, that's why we both wear long pants.

"I need 5 minutes to stretch," Kim calls from across the dojo while looking at our conference ring with amusement, "And I'm sure you guys need to have a little more time to do... whatever it is you're doing..." And with that she turns around, pulling her left arm in front of her to stretch it out.

Which reminds me. I should stretch too. The muscles in my arms, legs, back and neck will thank me later...

"5 MINUTES ARE UP!" Jerry calls from the center of the mat.

"Somebody go get Rudy. He needs to ref this." I say, "Don't want anyone getting hurt," I look pointedly at Kim.

"Ooh, unfortunately for you, Rudy had to go get that cat that's 'not his' some kitty litter and, as he put it," with this she used air quotes, "'Num-nums.'"

With that we all chuckled a little bit. Kim looks so cute when she smiles...

Okay, okay. I admit, I think she's cute. And she's smart, funny, and good at karate. And I know she has a crush on me. I can tell by the way her face gets all red when she says she doesn't. Some may say she's just angry that I keep saying that. But I don't believe it.

"Alright, then I'll call it," Jerry says, "Okay, so Kim, Jack, face each other." Jerry pulls us towards each other, so we're standing on either sides of the circle painted on to the center of the mat.

"Jack, lose the robe." Jerry looks at me.

"Oh! Yeah, here Eddie," I say, tossing the robe at him and instead of him catching it, it just lands on his face. "Whoops... Heads up?" I say, turning back towards Kim.

"Kim, are you gonna keep the jacket on?" Jerry asks.

"I'll take it off in a sec." She says, giggling like it's some joke that no one else gets.

"Oh-kay then... Bow," we bow, Jerry steps out of the way, I pull my right foot back and bring my hands in front of me, Kim starts to take off her hoodie, "Begin!"

The next thing I knew... I was blinded.

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><p><strong>Okay, so I know that in karate they wear gi to practice, but if you've noticed in the show, Jack's often wearing jeans to Bobbi Wasabi's. So I went with this idea... It's not my best, but I figured it was good enough. And it was the first one I've ever written! So, let me know what you think! Part 2 will be up soon!<strong>

**x Em**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Alrighty, part 2 is here! As I said, it's been sitting on my hard drive, so I thought I'd post part 1, go to sleep, and post part 2. And I've woken up and here it is! I'd like to thank all the reviews, favorite stories, and story alerts I got for this fic! You guys are just so great and lovely. But there is one person I need to address because it was a kinda anonymous review by someone named 'iluvLEOHOWARD' and now I can't respond to them privately so it's happening here. Even if I can't be sure they'll see it... anyways. That'll be at the bottom if you guys are interested or if you are iluvLEOHOWARD and you are reading this. **

**Anyways I enjoyed writing it, hope you like reading it!**

****DISCLAIMER! I don't own Kickin' It. If I did, why would I be writing fanficiton when I could be writing scripts?****

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><p>This was gonna be good. I waited until the last possible second to take my jacket off, because underneath, I was wearing my hot pink sports bra. And just my sports bra. That could freak Jack out, but the hot pink was more than just your average, every day hot pink. It's like an uppercut to unsuspecting eyes. By the time I got my jacket off,, Jerry had already stepped back and said begin.<p>

Jack noticed the change in clothing, or lack thereof, just like I thought he would. He went from defensive to completely dazed in a split second. I took advantage of this and grabbed his right shoulder with my right hand, swept my foot behind his to knock him to the ground. In the next second, I was leaning down with my elbow propped on my leg, which was currently on top of Jack's chest.

"I think I win this round," I say, taking my foot off of his chest and offering him my hand.

He grabs my hand and I pull him up, he shakes his head angrily, "Time out!"

"You can't call time out!" I protest angrily.

"Yes you can!" Jerry interjects, "You can't call time in the middle of a round, but in between there can be a short break."

"Two minutes." I say.

"Three." Jack demands.

"Fine."

"Fine!"

I turn on my heel, grabbing my water bottle and taking a swig. I pull my jacket on too, don't want him getting used to this sight. It's' not going to happen often.

The boys are acting like what they're saying is so secretive, huddling like football players at halftime. If they really want it to be secret, they shouldn't talk so loud. I can hear everything they're saying.

For instance, right now Jack's saying, "It's not fair! She can't wear... just... that to spar!" I smile, my plan is so awesome, "It's distracting!"

"It's perfectly legal," Milton says, and of course he's right. I looked it up. The rule actually says, "Shirts are recommended" not required, just recommended. Milton reminds Jack of this factoid.

"Huh... You know what... That just might work..." at this point I'm completely lost, but whatever. I take another swig of my water, then turn around.

"Are you ready to lose?" I taunt.

"I think you should be asking yourself that." Jack flings right back.

"Okay, okay. Let's just start round two," Jerry tries to keep the peace, but in a couple seconds, I'll take off my jacket and have Jack on the floor and begging for mercy in no time. "Bow and begin!"

This time, when I take off my jacket though... Something weird happens.

Not only do _I _take off my jacket, Jack flings off the silly robe he was wearing earlier and reveals that he _too _ is not wearing a shirt. Firstly, way to steal my idea (minus the sports bra). Secondly, in answer to the question "Does Jack look good with his shirt off?" No. No he doesn't. He looks absolutely _fan-freaking-tastic._ Though Jack was hoping for the same result I had, it was, in fact, my idea in the first place, so I was (thankfully) not as shocked.

After a few well blocked blows from both sides, though, I noticed just how well Jack's muscles worked when he was fighting... And the next thing I knew, I was looking at the ceiling. I didn't realize it, but when I had grabbed Jack's wrist to stop him from landing a blow, he had swung his leg under my feet and knocked me off them. My feet, I mean. He extended his hand and I latched on, letting him help me up.

Now it's one-for-one. The next round would determine who won the sparring match, and I could _not_ lose. Jerry says go, and I go. I cut and block and move lightly on my feet, Jack does the same. But as Jack tries to cut at me with his left hand I shift my body so that my right shoulder faces him, I grab his left hand with my right, pulling myself behind Jack and using my foot to push him down on the ground, successfully winning the round.

"And... Kim wins the spar..." Jerry says, notably lackluster.

I jump up off Jack, thrusting my fists in the air and doing a happy dance over to my bag, where I proceed to put a shirt on, still dancing around.

"Good match," Jack smiles at me.

"Uh-uh. No way are you getting off that easy, buster," I take a swig of my water. Jack rolls his eyes, still smiling... Notably, still shirtless.

"Fine. you don't have a crush on me," I throw my fist up in the air, "Now. I've said it, and I'll stop mentioning anything about it but that doesn't mean I believe it." He turns away from me, and now I'm livid.

"That's ridiculous!" I exclaim. "You can't just do that!"

"Too late!" Jack calls over his shoulder as he swaggers off to the guys bathroom and I'm left to sulk about my success-slash-failure.

After the spar, Rudy came back and everybody ended up sparring, but Jack and I didn't. At least, not against each other. I beat Milton, Eddie and Jerry no problem. And Jack beat them too. When Eddie and Jerry finished sparring, and it was looking like I was going to have to spar against Jack again, Rudy looked at the clock and shouted that it was time for him to go, and us too. Jerry and Eddie lived within walking distance, so they left almost immediately. Milton's dad was at a frozen yogurt place somewhere in the mall, just so Milton wouldn't have to wait too long. Rudy scooted us out, said, "See ya! I got a hot date!" saluted, and took off.

I walked over to the planter, sitting on the bench and texting my mom that we had finished. Next thing I knew, Jack was sitting next to me.

"You know," he began, "You're a pretty good sparring partner."

I allowed a small smile, "Thanks. You're not so bad yourself."

"Thanks." Jack looks at me, "You know I just say you have a crush on me to joke around right? I wouldn't actually make fun of someone who actually did have a crush on me."

"Well that's good, I mean, I thought you were serious." I say.

"Really?" He looks shocked. "Huh."

"Now, if you really want to know who has a crush on you, try any other girl in the freshman class." I joke.

"Ha, if only!" Jack chuckles.

"Oh, I'm serious. They've got it bad!" I say.

Jack just looks at me like I'm crazy, "If they're not talking about lipgloss, they're talking about how 'beautiful' your eyes are and how 'mysterious' you are and how I'm 'like totes lucky' to be able to go to the same dojo as you." I say, using air quotes on the the things they say to me.

"You're joking!" Jake starts laughing, it's infectious, and soon I start laughing too.

"I couldn't make that stuff up if I wanted to!" We continue to laugh and it feels good. Maybe... Maybe Jack isn't so full of himself after all, I mean, he didn't even know those girls liked him.

A loud buzzing noise disturbs our happy bubble, my mom texting that she's here, and that we're having leftovers for dinner. "Hey, I gotta go," I say, looking apologetically at Jack.

"Alright, that's cool. See you at school," He gives me a sort of half grin and in that moment I could kinda see what all the other girls were so in love with but didn't really understand about Jack. He's not just cute, he's a genuinely nice person. And, well, he's a good friend.

I smile to myself as I slide into my mom's minivan.

"Hey honey, did you get my text?"

"Well, seeing as I'm in the car, yes. But why do we have to have leftovers? All that's _left over_ is that tuna and onion casserole!" That thing was disgusting.

"And I'm trying to get rid of it. So you will eat the rest with your little brother!" Mom says, and I'm so not looking forward to the fishy food that awaits me. But, on the other hand, I can't wait to get home and get up to my room. I needed to update my Diary on what just went down.

Dear Diary,

After getting Jack to finally stop pestering me by trying to get me to 'admit' to crushing on him, I actually start to crush on him.

Thanks Irony. You're hysterical.

Later,

x Kim

PS: Mom forced that fish-and-onion casserole on us again for leftovers. She said if I ate it, she'd never make it again. Let's cross our fingers on that one...

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><p><strong>Now, my response.<strong>

**to iluvLEOHOWARD:**

**While I appreciate you actually taking the time to review my story, you didn't even read this part, so you don't have the full story. No, she does not just flash her boobs, as you can see from the _first paragraph_. Yes, I can see you wouldn't know that from the first chapter, but really? Saying I made Kim have no respect for herself? That's completely wrong. And if you have a problem with her wearing a only a sports bra and sweat pants to spar, then the first thing you should remember is that it's described as _visually assaulting to your eyes._ I had a sports bra in mind, actually for this, it's at Target. It really assaults your eyes, but if you're running in the middle of the night (or hoping to disarm someone while sparring), it's very effective.**

**The second thing (if you still have a problem), is that women wear sports bras and only sports bras to gyms all the time! It's not about disrespecting yourself, it's about _not overheating _(I wear sportsbras and shorts to _yoga_ all the time!), and while I can see Kim is not really sweating it out in this one, I'm sure she'd have no qualms with wearing a sports bra to work out.**

**Thirdly, if you have a problem with Kim wearing a sports bra, I just want to point out that pretty much half the stories on here have the gang at the beach, where Jack is usually shirtless and Kim's in a bikini (not complaining about the other stories, they're really good and I like reading them, just using them to make a point). If you don't have a problem with _that_, then I have something to say to you. A SPORTS BRA COVERS MORE THAN A BIKINI TOP. **

**And if you seriously don't have a problem with Jack taking his shirt off, and still have one with Kim, that's particularly irritating because she's doing the girl's equivalent, and that's just unfair.**

**But, really, above all, it's my story, and I like it. **

**x Em.**

**So, um. That's it! I feel like it's a good place to end. And I won't continue it, seeing as they haven't gotten together in the how and yeah. If you want more, you can check out my other story, Kickin It: Of Burgers and Training Dummies.**

**For those of you who were absolutely lovely, thanks again, you made my day! I'd really appreciate reviews, even if your comment isn't all smiles and kisses. Thanks for reviewing and favoriting and story-alerting, you guys are awesome :D**

**x Em**


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